Welcome to API of Merrimack Valley! We are a local support group affiliated with Attachment Parenting International. We serve Concord, Manchester, and surrounding communities... and anyone else willing to make the drive!
The long-range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole.
An article by Diana West refers to Attachment Parenting as a "Frame of Mind". There are behaviors that many parents who practice Attachment Parenting tend to use in some form or another, such as breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing, but it really isn't about the behaviors as much as it is about the attitude. Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Pam Leo suggests that when considering any parenting advice we should ask ourselves, "If I follow this advice, will I be providing nurturing, guidance, and limits in a way that maintains a secure bond with my child?" Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we would like for them to interact with others.
Attachment Parenting isn't "new". It is in many ways a return to the instinctual behaviors of our ancestors. In the last 60 years, the behaviors of attachment parenting have been studied extensively by psychology and child development researchers, and more recently, by researchers studying the brain. This body of knowledge offers strong support for areas that are key to the optimal development of children, summarized in API's Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting.
8 Principles of Attachment Parenting
To read more about these Principles, visit the API Headquarters Website
- Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting: Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.
- Feed With Love and Respect: Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant's nutritional and emotional needs. "Bottle Nursing" adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.
- Respond with Sensitivity: Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.
- Use Nurturing Touch: Touch meets a baby's needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.
- Engage in Nighttime Parenting:Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe bedsharing or near-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.
- Provide Consistent and Loving Care:Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.
- Practice Positive Discipline:Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone's dignity intact.
- Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life: It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don't be afraid to say "no". Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.
The purpose of our group is to provide a means of learning the art of Attachment Parenting, to share ideas in ongoing childrearing concerns, and to create a safe place where parents can feel validated in their parenting choices. Our meetings are open to all, particularly parents and parents-to-be. People of all religious, racial, or ethnic backgrounds are welcomed, as are babies and children.
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Our gratitude goes to Nini Bambini's for the donated space. Please visit them for their wonderful offerings.
